There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
