Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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