omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
