I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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