umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
