dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
