she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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