It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
