omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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