she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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