i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
