brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
