we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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