my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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