why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
