If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
