apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
