what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
