well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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