If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
