Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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