I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize