I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
