I molested 6 butterflies tonight
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize