She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
