no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
