know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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