I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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