after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need water and some morals
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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