4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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