i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
