Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize