He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
