Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
