theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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