We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
