Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
