i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
