WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
