I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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