just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
