areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
