This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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