if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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