weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
