I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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