I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize