So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hippo gnu deer
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
