We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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