She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
