Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
