He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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