Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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