covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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