I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize