Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
