If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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