I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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