I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
