White coat. Heels.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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