Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He did a backflip because drugs
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