you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
