cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
