I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize