Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Randomize
