I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
