Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize