Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
