so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
