All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize