i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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