she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
