You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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