its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
