MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
