I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
