woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
