am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Damn victory sex feels great
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
