help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
