piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
