I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
