im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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